I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize