are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
