oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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