Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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