At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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