my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
