Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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