I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
