He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize