She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
