i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
