This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize