is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
