no one should ever give us hovercrafts
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
