When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
