so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The beer is more important than you right now.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
