Pants 0. Shit 1.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
