He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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