Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
