oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
