Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize