it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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