My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
