I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
