So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
one might say we're banned from that church
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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