so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
