Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
