and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
