So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You are a genius and a whore.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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