I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
