So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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