he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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