pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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