When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
