i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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