so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just had sex on a roof
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
