After last night, I could never be a politician.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
