This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
