so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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