Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
