It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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