He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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