I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do you have feelings for this penis?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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