I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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