i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
