I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize