she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
