I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
