Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I licked your asshole in confidence.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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