Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
