Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
