he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize