After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
