he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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