He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
