what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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