i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
