i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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