Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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