I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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