Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
