Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
