Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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