Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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