True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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