I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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