HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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