I think I died a long time ago.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
