My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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