hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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