I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
