If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
