Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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