I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
