Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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