Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
