Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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