he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Randomize