I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
