Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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