So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize