I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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