I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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