I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize