I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
