You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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