Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
