i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You pole danced in your parka.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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