just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
