you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
