Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
