I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
