My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
