I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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