i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
