During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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