the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
