so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
