Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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