when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
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No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
