You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
